David Frizzell - "I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home"

(transcribed by Noel Henderson)

C (1 strum)
I came crawling home last night
F (1)
like many nights before
C (1)
I finally made it to my feet
F (1) C (1)
as she opened up the door
C (1) G (1) C (1)
and she said, "You're not gonna do this anymore."

C
She said, "I'm going to hire a wino
F
to decorate our home,
C
so you'll feel more at ease here,
G
and you won't need to roam.
C
We'll take out the dining room table
F
we'll put a bar along that wall,
C
and a neon sign will point the way
G C
to our bathroom down the hall"

C
She said, "Just bring those Friday paychecks
F
and I'll cash them all right here.
C
And I'll keep on tab for all your friends
G
their favorite kind of beer.
C
And for you I'll always keep in stock
F
those soft aluminum cans,
C
and when you're feeling macho
G C
you can crush'em, like a man."

C
She said, "We'll rip out all the carpet,
F
and put sawdust on the floor.
C
Serve hard-boiled eggs and pretzels,
G
and I won't cook no more.
C
There'll be Monday night football
F
on TV above the bar,
C
and a payphone in the hallway
G C
when your friends can't find their car."

D
She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino,
G
to decorate our home.
D
So you'll feel more at ease here
A
and you won't need to roam.
D
We'll take out the dining room table
G
and put a bar along that wall,
D
and a neon sign will point the way
A D
to our bathroom down the hall"

D
She said, "You'll get friendly service,
G
and varieted atmosphere.
D
I'll slip on something sexy,
A
and I'll cut it clear to here.
D
Then you can slap my bottom,
G
everytime you tell a joke,
D
just as long as you keep tippin'
A D
we'll I'll laugh until you're broke."

D
She said, "Instead of a family quarrel,
G
we'll have a barroom brawl.
D
When the ham's bear says its closing time,
A
you won't have far to crawl.
D
And when you run out of money,
G
you'll have me to thank.
D
You can sleep it off the next morning
A D
while I'm putting it in the bank."

E
She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino,
A
to decorate our home.
E
So you'll feel more at ease here,
B
and you won't need to roam.
E
then when you and your friends get off of work
A
and you have a powerful thirst,
E
well, there won't be any reason why you
B E
can't stop off here first."

F#
She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino,
B
to decorate our home.
F#
So you'll feel more at ease here
C#
and you won't need to roam.
F#
We'll take out the dining room table
B
and put a bar along that wall,
F#
and a neon sign will point the way
C# F#
to our bathroom down the hall"

(repeat and have fun with it)